I’m an anti-social person. I think most of those who know me are aware of that but it may be a little worse than they suspect. Today I was meant to attend a BBQ at a friend’s house. I love my friend. He’s sweet and gentle and makes me laugh. I’m sure the other attendees would have also have been dear old friends who I haven’t seen in ages. I would love to meet up with them – at the pub or cinema, in groups of three or less… but the idea of a large, vague group of people!…

I was in a shop looking for a bottle of wine to take to the BBQ. I suddenly felt quite sick and be came aware I had toothache. No, not toothache – my whole mouth was hurting! I realised I must have been clenching my jaws, grinding my teeth against each other until my gums ached. I texted my chum to say I wasn’t going and within a few minutes I felt my body relax – although I hadn’t been aware of the tension.

It’s not that I dislike people, not at all. I’m just deeply unhappy and uncomfortable in social situations. I like the word sociophobia.

I particularly dislike parties. I can recall only five parties, in my life, that I actually enjoyed. Some have been just bearable, others downright excruciating. Just those five were actually fun for me. My work keeps offering social events as prizes for good work. I know most people are overjoyed by such treatment but to me it honestly feels like a punishment.

I’m happiest with small groups of chums in utterly informal situations or, no big surpise, completely alone. Teo, please don’t be offended that I didn’t come today. You know I love you to bits, right? Please don’t hate me because I’m a mental…


1 thought on “Solitude”

  1. Nah! You're not mental! Plenty of people are like this.. for some, being in groups of people is draining, for others, its energising. I know people who get freaked out before ANY sort of social occasion, so you're definitely not alone. hehe.


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