I am currently experiencing the end of a three month relationship. “So what?” you say, “three months is nothing”. However, this is also likely to mark the end of a 15 year friendship and that is a terrible thing.
As with all relationship endings, these early days will be the worst. I feel awful but the first person I would think to call for sympathy is the very one who made me feel this way. I love and despise him in fairly equal measure just now. I miss him so much it aches but I could happily live without seeing his face again for a very long time. The thing is, he’s been in my life for so many years. What am I going to do without him?
I am wretched. My mood alternates, without warning, between misery and anger. I have to say, I prefer the anger. This morning I savoured my fury – felt it seethe and flourish and marvelled as its power compressed my feelings down into a hard, cold, shining jewel within me. Then – pouf – around lunchtime the anger vanished and left me feeling wrung out and empty. A soggy, pathetic, tearful wreck… I much prefer the anger.