serious stuff

Ending

I am currently experiencing the end of a three month relationship.  “So what?” you say, “three months is nothing”.  However, this is also likely to mark the end of a 15 year friendship and that is a terrible thing.

As with all relationship endings, these early days will be the worst.  I feel awful but the first person I would think to call for sympathy is the very one who made me feel this way.  I love and despise him in fairly equal measure just now.  I miss him so much it aches but I could happily live without seeing his face again for a very long time.  The thing is, he’s been in my life for so many years.  What am I going to do without him?

I am wretched.  My mood alternates, without warning, between misery and anger.  I have to say, I prefer the anger.  This morning I savoured my fury – felt it seethe and flourish and marvelled as its power compressed my feelings down into a hard, cold, shining jewel within me. Then – pouf – around lunchtime the anger vanished and left me feeling wrung out and empty.  A soggy, pathetic, tearful wreck… I much prefer the anger.

Advertisements

1 thought on “Ending”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s