My life is not very jolly at the moment and I seem powerless to improve my situation. In the old days I would have just run off abroad and lost myself in the wonders of the world. Now that I have a home that I love and a job I’d hate to lose, I no longer have that option. I have to stay put and struggle with the emotion. The Runes (yes, the Runes) tell me to be strong and patient because a new chapter is about to open in my life. That’s easy for them to say. They are just little bits of wood.
It’s partly in my genes I think. My grandad was a fairly solitary man but he blamed that on being in a house full of women. My mother is professionally anti-social and feel I am pretty much at the tip of that particular evolutionary branch. A creature less social than myself would be physically unable to reproduce…
I also think I suffered from spending my formative years in hospital rather than with my family. I don’t believe I was able to learn proper social skills in that environment. I am brilliant at forming instant but transient connections with strangers – doctors and nurses for example. It’s the lasting bonds I can’t seem to forge.
In the last year or so I’ve had a lot of discussions with friends about relationships, human nature and whatnot. It is, of course, a vast and thorny topic. I think I understand something and then, in a moment, everything turns on it’s head. I’ve gained some useful incites from discussions with male friends – information from the enemy camp, so to speak. I’ve seen what men do but they helped me to understand (a little) why they do it. To women, I think male behaviour can seem brutal and cruel but I believe more and more that it is often just entirely thoughtless.
Although better than cruelty, thoughtlessness is still a very bad thing when you’re on the receiving end.