I feel gutted right now – empty. I thought there would be shame but it’s just nothingness.
I suspect the shame could still come later though – shame that my country was afraid to be a country. The whole world was watching and we shited it. At least I’m off work today but I’m particularly dreading our trip to Europe next week. What if people ask us why? Why did Scotland reject the chance for self-determination? How can we answer that?
My poor beloved Teo had to go to work this morning. He’ll have to spend his day trying not to punch shitebags…
There will no doubt be analysis to come, but it looks like poorer areas, the areas most in need of change, were the ones who voted Yes. Those in affluent places voted No. A case of I’m alright (Union) Jack, it seems.
One speck of light – a friend who was at the local count says our town mainly voted Yes – and Crazyhill, my particular wee part of town, was 3 to 1 in favour of independence! This at least makes me feel better about my own instincts. I felt a positivity in the air yesterday, a sense of hope and self-belief. At least I wasn’t wrong about that. My people voted yes.
And Glasgow! Bloody well done Glasgow. Today I’m ashamed of Edinburgh, the city of my birth, but very, very well done Weegiestan!
I want to thank the First Minister @AlexSalmond and Deputy FM @NicolaSturgeon for leading our campaign so wonderfully. They are true Statesmen (people) and world class debaters. They kept their cool in the face of aggression, media bias and utterly vacuous ‘arguments’. I’m so proud of them.
@__GrumpyCat started following me on Twitter today. That’s just seems mean.
First thing this morning I really felt like I had no country. How can I be Scottish when Scotland has just voted not to exist? For a while I decided to become Norwegian.
Then, Amy suggested the Nation of Cascadia in the American north west – similar weather and landscape to what I’m used to, apparently. Fabulous as it sounds, Cascadia is even less of a real country than Scotland… so I can’t move there.
Feeling low, I went for a walk, which always changes my mood. The morning looked as dismal as I felt but it worked. My mood changed from sad to angry.
In the course of talking to a few folk, and buying a GIGANTIC box of malteasers (I can’t buy booze til later), I realised that I won’t just crumble up and accept this. I will not let a bunch of liars and shitebags take away my pride.
I’ll keep learning Gaelic, keep flying my Saltire and keep buying Scottish produce. I’ll turn my attention from independence to other things – environmentalism, land reform, maybe even the community council. We’ll get whatever we can from Westminster – I’m hoping for federalisation (swiftly crumbling into dissolution)…
Tears and hugs with lovely Veronica, my neighbour. We have agreed to form the Independent Republic of Crazyhill (and Howden – we won’t forget you Teo).
In the meantime, I’ve decided to join the #TVLicenceBoycott. I would be willing to pay the fee – to BBC Alba or STV or direct to the Scottish Government – but not one more penny of my money is going to fund that biased, corrupt, disreputable cesspit in London. As a consumer, I’ve always used my money to affect and encourage change – this is the only thing corporations understand. I see no reason why I should be forced, against my will, to contribute to the income of a corporation which disgusts me and which has proven itself to be undeserving… Right. That’s that done.
Veronica asked “where do we go from here?”. I have no idea. I’m still so disappointed but I do truly love my beautiful Scotland (though I pretty heartily hate half of the population right now). I’ll hold onto my pride, use my anger for fuel, and try to make things better.
Alba, gu bràth! – No matter what the shitebags say!